Hi, I’m Lynda

For 25+ years I searched for answers to fix my unstable emotions. Now I’ve got answers and hacks to help you fix your unstable emotions, if you’d like to heal!

I have a lot of problems and that meant I had a lot of unstable emotions as well.

And I always thought that was just what I had to deal with. That all the problems meant I had to also have all the unstable emotions.

But that’s simply NOT true.

I’ve spent 25+ years healing and fixing my unstable emotions, here are the key principals that make The 4 Plus 2 Format so effective. Here are the skills in my Format:

  1. Skill 1: Accept responsibility for your own healing - your self-regulation, triggers, choices, problems, and situations.

    Most people are aware that taking responsibility for your own life is fundamental to ALL personal improvement. The first skill you learn empowers you to finally and fully accept ownership of ALL of you - including your healing!

  2. Skill 2: Accept control of your self-talk, thought stories, and stay in the present instead of looping your past.

    What you do or don’t think is up to you - no one else. There are ways to get your unsupportive thinking to stop being unsupportive and instead support you. This is the 2nd skill we learn in the program, but you can also learn this for free here.

  3. Skill 3: Accept you need a plan for triggers and self-regulation, and you need to practice it for it to work.

    You need a plan BEFORE you get angry or experience another overwhelming emotion. The reasonable and rational part of your brain is temporarily being overwhelmed by the emotional part of your brain. So you need a plan to notice BEFORE OR AS it starts and know exactly what to do then. This is one part of learning Self-Regulation. And the good news is that Self-Regulation is a learned skill, so you can learn it at any age.

  4. Skill 4: Accept your vulnerability - you are human and need to learn to use boundaries to function, same as everyone

    Accept that your vulnerability is a good, positive and even powerful thing. It’s vulnerable to notice and accept your Dysregulation, lack of boundaries or any of the other skills you’ll learn, but that vulnerability is also the key to your resilience, calm and happiness. And it doesn’t stop at being vulnerable, because vulnerabilty becomes powerful and safe when it’s paired with proper boundaries. You will be amazed at how much your life improves once you have learned these skills!

The 4 Plus 2 Format also includes these 2 optional sections with optional add-on pieces:

  1. Optional Add-On 1: Accept help from God.

    Your faith is probably completely shattered. It’s okay to question everything. It’s okay to not believe God protects. God gets it. Find people who get it - hospital chaplins, women and child abuse crisis centers, support groups. The Bible too - Job, Lamentations. You didn’t do anything to deserve this. God knows that. You need to make sure you have the support in your life you need. There’s always a way to build a support network - I’m an eternal optimist on this! An optional additional section here is to check on God in your life.

  2. Optional Add-on 2: Accept forgiveness.

    You need to check on forgiveness in your life - are you holding any unforgiveness to yourself? There is nothing worse than thinking about forgiveness because it means facing truth head-on, but there’s also nothing more powerful than forgiveness. When we admit that we’re angry at ourselves or others, the healing next step is to accept what is, and forgive. It creates space in our hearts and minds for good. Where the bitterness, unforgiveness, resentment and anger was. You don’t have to feel forgiveness - forgiveness is not a feeling. Forgiveness is a decision - you either choose it or you reject it. It’s purely a decision. And it changes something in the universe for you. It’s THAT powerful. An optional additional section here is to check on if you’re holding unforgiveness to others too. Ask God to forgive you, forgive yourself and others.

This is my 4 Plus 2 Format, and in my experience it has the power to step-by-step transform your life forever.

Before I figured this out I spent years focusing on the tips of my icebergs without looking at the real big chunk of ice under the surface.

Each of the skills in the 4 Plus 2 Format represents parts of the large chunk of ice under the surface. The pieces I hadn’t looked at, hadn’t learned in my life. All the missing pieces my life was desperately needing.

It’s taken me a REALLY long time to figure out what works and actually heals. I don’t want you to have to take as long to find help and healing! Because there are ways to learn and fix each one of these skills. There’s absolutely no need to live with your problems forever.

I’ve healed and changed and found tricks, hacks and healing fixes that have WORKED! And I want you to have this too! So I want to give you free training to get you started with one of the skills you’ll need.

Why I can help?

I don’t want you to spend years and years of your life dealing with the tips of your emotional iceberg. You don’t need to be a Queen of cover-up emotions like I was or for as long as I was.

MY life started well in a good, loving family. I didn't expect unstable emotions, anger or rage to be problems I'd need to try to figure out.

A few years after the photo was taken of me dressed up as an angel (see photo below) I was r****. Shortly after I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes (requiring insulin injections) and after that for decades also had extreme malnutrition from undiagnosed celiac disease, plus complex PTSD from the ongoing stress of everything that had happened to me.

It was extremely difficult trying to function at both a physical and psychological disadvantage. I did go to many, many, many specialists - both psychological and physical - and none of them figured out that I was struggling terribly with a lack of emotional regulation, a lack of boundaries, feeling vulnerable and all the unstable emotions that go along with all of this.

But back then experts didn't know that much about complex PTSD or Emotional Dysregulation or about how common everyday trauma actually is. Trauma is basically a normal human reaction to a threat that we have no control over. This can result from racism, poverty, loss, abuse, witnessing violence, being isolated, illness, hospitalization, extended period(s) of stress, fear, constant change, etc. Basically, you get the point - it's from periods of high stress that we have no control over. No one has zero trauma. When a person experiences a threat and continues to feel under threat, the brain changes to accommodate this and this is how Dysregulation develops - it’s a protective mechanism that our brain develops.

This Dysregulation actually gets in the way of our healing. This is why I believe so strongly in my 4 Plus 2 Format as the foundational starting point for healing that works! It builds the pieces that didn’t get the proper chance to grow and develop. Giving you a foundation for your healing that is strong and that can properly benefit from every healing tool and technique you want to use in the future!

What is Dysregulation?

Dysregulation is a brain injury that usually begins developing in childhood as a result of sustained stress over an extended period of time.

In a person who experiences Dysregulation certain triggers can cause brain waves and some of your body systems to get out of sync. On MRI’s and brain scans Dysregulation looks like the brain wave equivalent of a dog walking on a piano - discordant and out of sync.

Often this develops as a protective mechanism to guard a child’s developing brain from the potential harm of sustained stress over an extended period of time. This is a brilliant coping strategy for a child, but as you get older it hurts you rather than helping you.

Researchers can see on MRI’s and brain scans that when Dysregulation occurs the reasonable and rational part of your brain is temporarily being overwhelmed by the emotional part of your brain.

  • When you are Dysregulated you feel flooded with emotions like panic or rage and lose the ability to focus.

  • You might feel an urgent need to say and do things that are totally unlike your usual self, but also have trouble expressing your thoughts.

  • Afterward, you might feel completely confused about why you said and did those things.

The results of being Dysregulated makes it very hard to think things through, focus and plan, interact, adapt to change, and adjust to new situations. Dysregulation also makes it makes it very hard to consider and make decisions, set boundaries, persevere and problem-solve, and consider multiple perspectives of a situation.

Overall Dysregulation makes it extremely challenging to navigate life.

It is possible to retrain your brain to use Self-Regulation skills instead of using the injured, Dysregulated pathways in the brain, in fact it’s what I do!

Using the 4 Plus 2 Format I help women and girls to replace Dysregulation with Self-Regulation to be able to feel confident, capable and courageous!

Get started with free training

I’ve healed and changed and found tricks, hacks and healing fixes that have WORKED! And I want you to have this too! So I want to give you free training to get you started with one of the skills you’ll need.

If you would like further research, here are some suggestions that have taught me a lot:

Emotion coaching is a relational approach to supporting social and emotional development, promoting relationships and supporting behavior (April Romney 2020). It’s mostly applied as a parenting strategy to help kids develop strategies for coping with emotionally difficult situations, but emotion coaching is proposed to not only support the wellbeing of children, but also adults (Rose et al. 2015).

I highly recommend reading articles or watching talks by the following two specialists:

  • Bessel van der Kolk MD, a psychiatrist, author, researcher and educator who has been researching how children and adults adapt to traumatic experiences since the 1970s. He translates emerging findings from neuroscience and attachment research into effective treatments for traumatic stress and developmental trauma in children and adults. His book, The Body Keeps The Score, is highly recommended. Listen to this Podcast where Ezra Klein Interviews Dr. Bessel van der Kolk.

  • Bruce D. Perry MD PhD, a psychiatrist, author, clinician and researcher in children's mental health and the neurosciences. His clinical research and practice focuses on examining the long-term effects of trauma in children, adolescents, and adults and has been instrumental in describing how traumatic events in childhood change the biology of the brain. Listen to this Podcast about trauma, resilience and healing: Brené with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing.

These three articles provide a simple overview about emotion coaching:

Book a consultation with me to discuss how emotion coaching can help you.

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More questions?

I’m Lynda Wright, a certified life coach living in Cape Town, South Africa. I help fix unstable emotions so you can become the confident, capable and courageous person you are meant to be! Get in touch:

Book a consulation | +27 (0) 60 972 1254 | lyndalwright@gmail.com

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