Free resources for understanding yourself and improving your life

Scroll through this page the way you would scroll through your social media feed. These resources have been healing and helpful to me and impressed me, so I’m sharing them with you.

Before we begin, let’s just acknowledge that it’s a strong, powerful, brave, and empowered act to ask for help.

Helplines are there to help you - call even if you aren’t sure if you should or not - YES, you should call!

Free 24-HR Toll-Free Therapy in South Africa:

  • 0800 456 789 (Get Counselling)

  • 0800 567 567 (Get Help To Prevent Suicide)

  • 0800 001 005 (Find A Safe House)

  • 0800 150 150 (Get Help For Domestic Violence)

Other countries:

The beginning of ALL self improvement.

It might be an unusual choice to pick an actor to explain this, but give it a listen, it’s very good!

People.

Find people who 'get it' to support you through this time (i.e. your journey of healing/learning/growing). People who've healed and learnt to live with their own big challenge(s) will give you hope that you can too. This will help you push through difficult parts of your healing journey.

Healing isn’t about cures, rather it’s about living in peace, joy, and love despite your big challenge(s).

Places like support groups, crisis centers and charities can often be very useful places to meet and engage with those who have healed, improved, and overcome big challeges!

Even if you just volunteer at a charity - getting yourself into the company of people who ‘get it’ is the secret sauce or the secret hack that can make a major difference to you and your life.

Gentleness.

Your most powerful healing tool is going to be the gentleness you can show to yourself.

Gentleness in how fast or slow you heal, gentleness in practicing, failing, and trying again.

Your worth.

The best two stories ever to show you exactly what your worth really is.

How to handle your very big problems.

An old, old story about handling big problems and worry.

Release built up tension with Dragon Breathing.

Dragon Breathing is very good for releasing emotions that have built up in us, like anger and tension (great for adults and kids!).

It’s also super easy to remember!

The longer your exhale, the more it triggers a relaxation response.

A simple calming exercise.

This deceptively simple calming exercise, by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, activates your neural pathways - that calm you.

What is Self-Regulation?

Emotional Regulation is often called Self-Regulation because it’s something we do ourselves. What is it and why is it important?

The people in our life - POWERFUL!

If you do like Oprah, this interview is full of what Dr. Bruce Perry calls Post-Traumatic Wisdom.

Hoda Kotb interviews Oprah Winfrey and asks some really BIG questions about healing, perspective and mental health in this video. And I love her answers and how she has reframed her memories and her experiences. I also love how she reconciled the bad that was happening with her belief in God. We can all do these things. There is a lot to learn and a lot of wisdom in this interview imho.

If you would like to do your dosing in coaching, let’s chat!

The mind is the battlefield.

One of the most life-changing books I ever read was, Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer*.

*This is an affiliate link to Amazon.

What does it mean to regulate our emotions?

Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry discuss why we need to regulate our emotions.

Book: What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce Perry*.

*This is an affiliate link to Amazon.

What to do when emotions are feeling really overwhelming?

Stop - Stop and give yourself a while. Allow yourself to feel the emotion - gently give yourself permission to experience this hard thing. Feeling overwhelmed happens to everyone.

Leave - Leave and don’t rush yourself. When we fight against our emotions to “hurry them up” they unfortunately don’t go away. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.

Move - Move slow and stamp your feet - left foot, right foot. Say silently left foot, right foot. Then wash your hands with soap and water - feel your hands, feel the water (if you are at home, take a cool shower). This is weird, but telling yourself to stamp your left foot, right foot helps you to reconnect to your body if your overwhelming emotions have dysregulated you (so does concentrating on the feeling of the soap and water on your hands).

Squeeze - Squeeze your arms around your torso until you feel calm. Stand with your back to a wall, push your back against the wall and squeeze your arms around your torso. Again, this weird action can help you re-regulate yourself if your overwhelm has dysregulated you.

It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to excuse yourself to take a break, it’s okay to have a rest, it’s okay to ask to do something later.

Talk to yourself like you would talk to a good friend that you love!

Listen to this video to learn about self-compassion and how to give it to yourself!

How to practice self-compassion.

Learn tips to practice self-compassion from world-expert on self-compassion, Dr. Kristin Neff.

It’s okay to not be okay.

“How often do you feel like you have to hide how you actually feel, or who you truly are? If your answer is “too much”, then this video is for you - today is the day to start flipping that script!”

Brené Brown on Boundaries.

In this video Brené Brown explains what she has discovered in her research about boundaries.

What is trauma?

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the author of “The Body Keeps the Score” explains that contrary to popular belief, trauma is extremely common.

No one has zero trauma.

Neurobiologist, Dr. Bruce Perry, says most of us have little tiny trauma experiences every day:

"[Trauma is] any pattern of activating your stress response system that leads to an alteration in how that system is functioning and that leads to an over activity and an over reactivity. Most of us have little tiny experiences every day that do this - we get a glance that tells us we don't belong here, or you're stupid, or you're invisible - and all of these things literally active our stress response system in an unpredictable way. And that pattern, if it's prolonged enough, leads to the very same changes in the brain as a big T-trauma."

How to heal trauma.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk explains 6 ways to help your body heal from trauma.

How to set boundaries to find peace.

Nedra Glover Tawwab is the boundary whisperer. In this interview she explains what they are, HOW to use boundaries and EXACT words to USE when setting boundaries. Interview starts at 2:44 minutes. Nedra’s book, Set Boundaries, Find Peace* imho is your go-to self-help book to set boundaries and use boundaries for calm.

*This is an affiliate link to Amazon.

Trauma, resilience and healing.

Listen to this Podcast about trauma, resilience and healing: Brené with Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Bruce D. Perry on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing

Feelings don’t last forever… they come and they retreat… like the waves of the ocean.

The waves never destroy the shore. Even the biggest waves retreat back into the sea. You won’t be destroyed. You might change you a little. You might need a little time. You might need people to help you. This is okay. Just like the shore you won’t be destroyed. You are going to be okay.

Breathing to relieve stress.

Navy SEALs use this breathing to relieve stress.

Close your eyes.

  1. Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.

  2. Hold your breath for a count of 4.

  3. Breath out for a count of 4.

  4. Hold for a count of 4.

Repeat at least 4 times. If needed, repeat for 4-5 minutes, or until calm returns.

If you’d prefer dramatic breathing, try Dragon Breathing.

The midlife essay you need to read to understand the midlife unraveling that so many women feel.

This essay about midlife by Brené Brown.

Tap gently on these spots to calm your nervous system.

“Tapping with the fingertips on specific points on the body, while focusing on negative emotions or physical sensations, helps to calm the nervous system, rewire the brain to respond in healthier ways, and restore the body’s balance of energy.” - TheTappingSolution.com

About YOU!

An excellent little talk by Dr. Alan Watkins explaining you and your feelings a little bit.

Inhaling essential oils can relax you.

Essential oils that are good to relax and relieve stress:

  • Frankincense essential oil

  • Lavender essential oil

  • Ylang ylang essential oil

Here are 3 ways to inhale these essential oils:

  • Take your thumb and block your right nostril and breath in the essentail oil aroma for 3-7 breaths.

  • Use an aromatherapy diffuser or vaporizer for 10 minutes to inhale the essential oil.

  • Sprinkle a few drops of the oil onto a cloth or tissue and keep it near you to breathe in the relaxing smell for 10 minutes.

Very important:

  • Thebump.com claim these 3 essential oils are safe to use when pregnant, but always ask your doctor before using an essential oil.

  • Never apply essential oils directly to the skin, they can burn or irritate the skin.

  • Never ingest an essential oil, they are toxic if ingested.

Quotes and verses…

“On particularly rough days, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100%, and that's pretty good.” - Unknown

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I’ll try again tomorrow'." - Mary Anne Radmacher

“Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now.” - Unknown

“Battles are fought in our minds every day. When we begin to feel the battle is just too difficult and want to give up, we must choose to resist negative thoughts and be determined to rise above our problems. We must decide that we're not going to quit. When we're bombarded with doubts and fears, we must take a stand and say: "I'll never give up! God's on my side. He loves me, and He's helping me! I'm going to make it!" - Joyce Meyer

Try listening to pieces of the Bible to relax:

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More questions?

I’m Lynda Wright, a certified life coach living in Cape Town, South Africa. I help people with big challenges to live with peace, joy, and love by empowering themselves with personal boundaries - no matter how big their challenge(s).

Book to have a call with me | +27 (0) 60 972 1254 | lyndalwright@gmail.com

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